Been Hurt Or Disappointed By Love Too Many Times? Here’s the Key To Believing In Love Again

by Randi Gunther

Did you once believe that true love would last forever and now aren’t so sure anymore?

Even when you’ve been so sure that this one is it, have you been deeply saddened and perplexed when it did not turn out that way?

And, if that’s happened more than once, how can you trust that you won’t fall for that again?

You have lost confidence in believing that someone truly loved you but could so easily walk away. You don’t know why that happens and you’re scared to get hurt again.

You wonder why or how someone you thought you knew could change into a person you can’t even recognize.

And now you’re single again, feeling shell-shocked and fearful of making the same mistake and facing thesame heart-breaking outcome.

The insecurities begin to emerge. Is it me, or are there reliable, quality, decent men out there I just haven’t met? Maybe I don’t know how to find them or am attracted to the wrong guys?

It’s beginning to feel a little hopeless, but I don’t want to stop trying. I just need some guidance that works.

You think to yourself,

I have to get better at this. I just can’t bear feeling like a fool again.

Maybe I have to change my expectations. Sometimes things aren’t going to work out. Do I need to go in expecting that?

Do I need to learn how to be more realistic from the beginning and give up my fantasies of “true love?”

I’ve never felt this pessimistic before, but it looks like I’m going to have to guard my heart to keep from getting hurt again.

Do these thoughts and feelings sound familiar?

If so, you may think that you’ve finally gotten “wise” as to how to approach dating and relationships and that you will now be impervious to future disappointments and disillusionments.

Armed with that wisdom and constant reality checking, you feel you’re now protected, dating with your eyes wide open and your heart guarded.

You have confidence that this strategy is going to work. It has to. You have no other choice.

But in actuality, you may be on the wrong track.

Protecting yourself from potential sorrow will not get you what you need and deserve. Instead of believing that the source of your disappointment is coming from the outside, it’s time to look at what you may be doing that is creating them.

You can’t control the outside, but you absolutely have the possibility to change yourself.

And if you want to experience a life-affirming, joyful, transformative love, you’re going to have to learn to open your heart by starting out every relationship with the core of your true self, no matter what the outcome. A hardened, careful, too cautious heart attracts those who break them.

Here’s how it’s happened…

With Every Disappointment, Have You Become More Cynical?

If you are like most people, you were more vulnerable and open in your early relationships than you are now.

Back then, you may have thrown caution to the wind when you fell in love, savoring every moment and not worrying about the future. You were an open book, sharing yourself with abandon, trusting that all would be okay.

You most likely had intimate conversations with your partners about your secret fears and desires and felt closer sharing those vulnerable parts of you.

Perhaps the two of you shared your dreams about the future, like what kind of trips you’d take, where you’d live together, having a family, growing old?

Until things fell apart.

Now you are more than devastated. You feel foolish and over-exposed. You’ve left a piece of you with someone you will never know again.

And, with each new hopeful partnership, the same disappointments have happened. You’re still single, trying desperately not to lose hope.

With each new date, you are fearful that:

Someone you think truly cares will, out of the blue, “ghost” you.

You’ll get attached to someone you think is on the same page and then they tell you they’re not ready for anything serious.

You think you’re in a mutually exclusive and committed relationship, and they all of a sudden have met someone else, or they do something you cannot accept.

The more disappointments you’ve had to endure, the harder it’s becoming for you to believe that the kind of love you want is ever going to happen. Maybe it isn’t even possible.

So, it’s no wonder…

You Hold Yourself Back, In Order To Keep From Being Disappointed Again

These days, you’re much more careful and untrusting. It doesn’t seem like a good idea to share your deepest vulnerabilities with a new person. Maybe you should just stay a little hidden until you’re more sure.

You feel your defensive, wait-and-see posture is the best choice and has the best possible outcome. Why wouldn’t you?

Yet, you may be falling into a terrible trap. The truth is, that if you continue to put your energy into pre-defeated defensiveness such as this, you are telling the new person you’re with that this is who you are, tough and independent. He will have no way of knowing the vulnerable, soft, and openly loving person he would find if he got past the armor.

If your default setting is self-protection in anticipation of failure, you are highly likely to attract partners who are not capable of, or interested in, the deeper intimacy you want.

This leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the genuine love you seek will continue to elude you.

And, in a sad addition to that, you will consciously or unconsciously communicate your defeated expectations to potential partners. No one wants to inherit the disappointments you’ve brought into the current relationship.

How?

You’ll self-sabotage without even realizing you’re doing that.

You’ll “forget” to return a text from someone with whom you went on a great date.

You’ll show up late to dates, not wanting to appear too eager.

You may even unintentionally blurt out sarcastic or judgmental comments, remnants from past hurts, testing the resiliency of the new partner.

You’ll communicate disinterest.

You may find yourself playing games, taking longer than you would normally to return calls or texts, because you want him to believe you are busy and wanted by others.

You’ll temper excitement and enthusiasm with caution, taking the chance that the other person will see you as uninterested.

You may even come across as bored and unengaged, trying desperately to monitor what you’re doing and saying, challenging why you are even there.

Despite your internal conflict, you just might come across as cynical, jaded, and distrustful. If you were on the other end, would you be attracted to that presentation?

You are determined to stay in the power position of needing less, dragging out testing that man to make sure his intentions are honorable. You have him under a magnifying glass, looking for potential flaws.

You’ll question his motivations and won’t believe him when he tells you he likes you or wants a relationship with you. He’s probably just setting you up.

The self-sabotage, the guardedness, the negativity—all of it—creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointing experiences.

That’s why it’s so important to change this approach. You need to show someone the most beautiful, the most sacred, the most valuable parts of you upfront, without, in any way, being susceptible to being destroyed if that person can’t appreciate who you really are. It is not about how you are received; it’s about how much you like who you present.

Time to take the reins of your life and consciously create what YOU want.

I can show you how to do that.

Change Is Possible, And You CAN Make True, Long-Lasting Love Happen. Here’s How

It’s about teaching you how to empower yourself, to take control over your life and your destiny, and to leave loneliness behind.

Your past will not define your future if you change how you live your life. Just because you’ve had heartbreaks and disappointments doesn’t mean you will have them again. You have the power to create the kind of lasting, connected relationship you’ve envisioned.

You have the ability to start fresh, starting now.

I’ve been a psychotherapist for 40+ years and have spent more than 100,000 hours counseling individuals and couples about the possibilities of these amazing transformations. I’ve listened to countless hours of disappointed and disillusioned quality people who just didn’t know how to break their patterns.

I can tell you with certainty that love is not only possible but within your reach. And how to keep it that way. You can trust in love and find happiness within a healthy relationship with the right partner.

I’ve watched it happen many times, and I know what it takes.

There are certain infallible truths about love and life, which you must understand, believe, and practice that can help you both recover that earlier sense of optimism, and remove the unconscious obstacles to attracting a great partner.

To that end, I’d love to share my Dating Rehab program with you. Within it, is all the information you’ll need to make this happen.

Here is a recap:

In Section 1 of Dating Rehab, I’ll teach you what I believe to be 7 infallible truths. These are the truths you must understand and accept before you can rediscover your belief in love.

They are powerful, and they work. If you abide by them, you WILL attract the relationship you desire and keep it flourishing.

When you learn the skills to put these trusts into action, you’ll find your false beliefs losing their power over you.

You’ll start to see that perhaps you’ve been wrong about relationships, and your chances at feeling joyful and in love again will re-emerge.

Also, I’ll take you through an exercise that will help you recognize the ways you’ve been courageous through your past struggles. This will raise your optimism and self-esteem.

The Dating Rehab program will also show you:

• The shortest route possible to finding your perfect partner— so you can stop endless dating and instead begin the love adventure of your lifetime
• How to maximize what’s best about you in order to attract the partner who will truly appreciate all that you are
• How to identify any weaknesses that are getting in the way of finding the love you want and actually use these to attract a great match
• Specific ways to interact from the first date that will break through the shell people present when first meeting (you’ll be surprised by how quickly this works to put your date at ease and make him reveal his true colors)
• The easiest way to foster honesty and transparency from the first few encounters so you get the critical information you need early on

You can start listening to Dating Rehab in a matter of minutes here, and begin to believe in love again:

You can’t close off to potential heartbreak without also closing off to potential joy. If you choose to keep your heart in an emotional castle surrounded by a moat of doubt, you could become locked into the sanctuary of loneliness you created.

The fastest way to stop feeling powerless is to make a choice. I hope you’ll choose to empower yourself.

xoxo,
Dr. Randi

P.S.Is your past heartbreak getting in the way of you attracting the right partner right now? It could be, especially if you’re feeling scared to get hurt again, or if you think that all men are broken, clueless jerks.

In Section 1 of Dating Rehab, I’ll show you a 5-step process to help you transform your past heartbreak into dating and relationship“gold.” Meaning, you’ll gain confidence and optimism that you can create exactly the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted. Learn more here: