by Katherine Woodward Thomas
There’s a woman you know.
You’ve seen her on Facebook. She may be a friend of yours. Or a friend-of-a-friend. Maybe she’s your sister or a coworker.
The thing about this woman? She’s got that magic something that makes any man she meets go a little bit crazy for her. Well, okay. A LOT crazy.
And the thing is, she doesn’t even try all that hard.
She isn’t the prettiest woman. Or the most accomplished. Or particularly “put together.”
She isn’t worried about her love life, and yet her love life seems so sublime. She’s always getting flowers and going on exciting dates and giggling into her phone when speaking to her man.
She seems so…happy.
She doesn’t analyze what her guy says to her. She isn’t agonizing over whether or not he’ll call. She isn’t wondering if he’s going to ask her to be exclusive, or commit.
Because he only has eyes for her.
She doesn’t waste a minute planning special “surprises” for him, either. She has no need to impress him.
That’s because the man at her feet is completely smitten.
The way he gazes at her…it’s like the sun rises and sets at her feet.
The way he touches her…with tenderness and adoration, as if his very lifeforce flowed from her and into him.
You can’t help it. You’re dumbfounded. And a little bit envious.
Why can’t you find a man who will adore you in this way?
What does a woman like her have that you don’t?
You Never Had A Guy Who Adored You That Way
You’re embarrassed to admit: you’ve never had a relationship with a man who was willing to bend over backwards to please you.
Instead, YOU are the one who bends over backwards for the guy. Or so it seems.
You text him silly love notes and feel lucky if you get a flat, non-committal response.
He never makes you a priority over his work, or his friends, or his gym time. He’s got so much going on, he says, that he’s not sure he can even date you right now. (Yet he has time for his work, his friends, and the gym.)
You just know that as soon as he finds that “other” kind of woman—the one who doesn’t have to try hard and isn’t even as attractive as you are—he’s going to fall HARD, and he’s going to do whatever it takes to make her his.
Which leads you back to the original question:
What is it these other women have that you don’t?
What’s their secret?
Finally “Getting” The Real Problem
You probably have your theories about why some women seem to have men falling at their feet, while you struggle to get a guy to respond to a text, or find a partner who will make you a priority…for once.
You’ve thought about it a lot.
You may have discussed it with a girlfriend, or your therapist. Maybe you’ve read more than one self-help book about it.
You figure it’s because of your childhood, and how it affected you. Maybe you grew up with a narcissistic mother and a codependent father, so you’ve patterned your tendency to want to give too much after what you observed in their relationship.
Or, you had an absent father and a codependent mother. Or both parents were somewhat controlling, so you never felt like your needs were important.
And this is the real problem…this rationalizing and “psychologizing” what’s happening in your love life.
You use it as an excuse for why these heartbreaking things are happening to you.
Meanwhile, you’re not really changing anything about your patterns.
You’re essentially “stuck” in a place you have no control over.
Recognize What You Can And Can’t Control
You can’t control what happened in your past. You have no control over who your parents were, or how they behaved toward you.
When you “psychologize” your love life problems, you’re not taking any action to change the patterns. You’re only doing more of what you’re used to doing, and then lamenting about how nothing much changes.
And that’s the real problem: if you don’t change the way you show up in relationships, your relationships won’t change.
The good news is that you CAN change the way you show up in relationships, and that means you can change the patterns, and have a relationship where you feel adored, loved, and amazing.
Change How You Show Up, And Everything Changes
Ok, so why do men do anything to please some women? Because these women “show up” in a way that attracts high-quality men who are available for a relationship.
You can learn to “show up” in that way, too.
You do so by learning to recognize ways in which you’re subconsciously pushing love away with your tendency to try too hard and do too much. (Which can feel smothering to some men.)
Then, after you recognize your patterns, you can choose to take a different action that will get you a different (better) result.
Allow yourself to become magnetic to the kind of happy, healthy love you’ve been longing for—and quickly.
- Work backwards from who you want to be, and how you want to be treated, versus around what you want to avoid. I call this your “love identity” and it’s a powerful tool to manifest the type of relationship that calls to your heart.
- Identify the false beliefs that have been sabotaging your ability to create healthy, happy love—specifically, those beliefs that have to do with your sense of self—and evolve beyond them.
- Awaken to your worthiness to love and be loved—and unleash your power to create a relationship that lights you up, inspires you, and brings out the best of who you are.
Go from resignation and despair into possibility, and creating a true miracle in your love life.
The women who are adored by men aren’t any more special than you are. They just aren’t being held back by negative patterns—patterns which are caused by false beliefs.
They don’t worry because they know how to meet quality men and ignore the men who aren’t good for them.
Then, they know how to show up in ways that naturally create a relationship that feels good to them and their partner.
I hope you’ll create that kind of reality for yourself.
Lots of love and bye for now,
P.S. When you decide to do things differently for the first time in your life, other people can’t help but respond and change, too.
You’ll show up differently at work, for your family, for your friends…
Identifying and reversing the false beliefs you’ve had your entire life is the key to a whole new you.