Guilt-ridden? Angry? Just plain miserable? Is the honeymoon phase over? And now you’re wondering if you’re even compatible with your partner?
If you and your partner are arguing all the time, the passion has fizzled, or you’re constantly hurting each other’s feelings, you might be incompatible, or the answer could be something else entirely. You might just be stuck in a codependent relationship. If so, there are things you can do to turn it into a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Many couples who are struggling with relationship happiness fall into the same cycle. One partner feels the other is not emotionally connected or available, while the other partner tends to feel they’re not heard or seen no matter how much effort they put in to giving their partner attention. As a result, both partners feel a sense of resentment or anger. They may sense a neediness from their partner, or feel as if their partner never listens to their needs.
Both partners end up thinking “if only he/she would change, things would be better.”
According to our relationship expert, Dr. Margaret Paul, the answer to a healthy and happy relationship is for both partners to take responsibility for their own actions. If you’re in a relationship where each person is dependent on the other for their feelings of safety, well-being, and self-worth you are in a codependent relationship.
In codependent relationships, both you and your partner believe that the only way to feel loved, valued, and safe, is to control how your partner behaves towards you, rather than focusing on how you behave toward your partner. You’re stuck looking at your partner’s behaviors rather than looking inward at your own.
The path towards a happy and joyous relationship is through self-love, because self-love allows you to take responsibility for your own feelings, and therefore be free of codependent relationships. When you have self-love, you can feel content and at peace, and the love you feel for your partner will be unencumbered by guilt or resentment.
When you have self-love, you are able to soothe your own feelings, stop taking things so personally, and break your unconscious, co-dependent relationship habits.
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