by Felice Dunas
Does sex often feel like another chore to you?
You hate to admit that to yourself, let alone your partner. But whenever your partner gives you that “look” or starts kissing you and rubbing your body, you sense yourself resisting a little. You love your partner and want to please him, but you don’t have much enthusiasm for lovemaking lately.
You’d prefer to just settle in and watch a movie on the couch, or get ahead of some of the items on your “to do” list instead.
Sometimes you feel the malaise because it’s late and you’re tired. But even on the weekends when you’re more rested, you still aren’t into it.
Perhaps you have a hard time getting aroused, and by the time you’re getting warmed up, he’s finished.
Or it takes you so much time and effort to orgasm that what is “fun and easy” for him often feels like a lot of “work” for you.
Or, maybe the act itself just doesn’t feel all that great to you, so you’d rather pass.
Whatever the reason, you know you can’t keep faking desire forever. You’d like to enjoy it and feel close to your partner again that way, but your ambivalence leaves you feeling broken, like some vital part of you just doesn’t work right.
What if I were to tell you there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, and as a matter of fact, you are gloriously and beautifully perfect, just as you are?
Here’s why:
Women Are Like Water, Men Are Like Fire (And That’s Actually A Wonderful Thing)
Maybe you feel there’s something wrong with your body because you take a long time to get aroused, or because sex doesn’t feel as good to you as you think it should.
But here’s something you must consider…
As women, it’s our nature to move at a much slower pace, sexually. We are like water. We are slow to heat up and slow to cool down. It takes us longer to reach orgasm and once we do, we are satisfied longer.
In other words, you are perfectly natural in your water-like slower response.
Men, on the other hand, are like fire. They are quick to ignite but quick to be extinguished. They can be “in the mood” again a few hours later, while we feel perfectly content and can go much longer before we want it again.
The fact that we women are like water is why seduction and foreplay is so very important for us. We need time to get aroused and once we’re there, we need better and longer stimulation in order to get over the top, so to speak. Our pleasure is like a treasure that’s boxed up and wrapped in layers upon layers of gift wrap.
When we have the benefit of a partner who can maintain an erection and perform sexually for an extended period of time, it allows all those layers of wrapping paper to come off. With each layer that’s removed, we can experience our essential sexual self. We can lose ourselves in the act of lovemaking instead of feeling inhibited, distracted, or bored.
When a man is skillful with our body and understands what we need, that loveliness, that blossoming, that surrender comes forth so much more readily!
This doesn’t mean that our pleasure is solely in the hands of our partner, or that we can relinquish responsibility for it. On the contrary, we women are ultimately responsible for our own orgasms. I’m not saying we have to do it all alone. It simply means that there are things we can do to increase our pleasure and make sex much more satisfying for us…even before the clothes come off.
Here’s how:
3 Surprising Ways To Increase Your Pleasure Potential
As a Chinese medicine practitioner and sex educator for the past three decades, I know how important pleasurable lovemaking is for the health of a relationship and overall wellbeing. Regular passion in the bedroom can do wonders for your relationship. It can make your esteem better. It can help you be a better partner. It can help ease communication and it can make your relationship more resilient.
What most of us fail to understand is that sex is not an afterthought. It’s not a reward, and it’s certainly not an obligation.
But it is a powerful catalyst for the longevity and resilience of your relationship.
That’s because sex, done skillfully and consistently, is a powerful tool that can actually FIX or IMPROVE all aspects of your relationship, including communication and affection.
Therefore, it’s worthwhile to explore ways in which you get more pleasure out of lovemaking, so you can feel more enthusiastic about it, and look forward to doing it.
Here are three simple strategies to get you started:
Pleasure Strategy #1: Balance your yin and yang energy.
Yin Yang works with the premise that all of life stems from a point of perfect balance. On either side of that balance you have the left and the right, the wet and the dry, the night and the day, the female and the male, the negative and the positive.
Yin is the feminine aspect, and it is primarily the capacity to be receptive. Yang is the masculine aspect of energy and it is the capacity to be creative.
When our yin or yang is out of balance, we become unhealthy. Our wellbeing suffers. Our relationships suffer. Our libido suffers.
One thing that can happen if your yin is out of balance, is that you may become overly controlling or excessively giving. This causes your man to feel overpowered, rejected or inferior. He’ll begin to focus on his own needs and leave you feeling abandoned. Then, when your partner wants to be affectionate, your resentment can shut down your desire.
When you are in balance with yin (feminine) energy, you’re receptive, calm and patient. You take what your partner gives you and offer feedback (“that feels good right there”).
Balancing aspects of yin and yang are an important foundation for creating pleasure.
Pleasure Strategy #2: Start the seduction process first.
When you’ve been rushing around all day, feeling stressed, it’s hard to shift gears and get “in the mood” when our partner wants to make love. Your mind is still racing with thoughts from the day and when that happens, it’s difficult to be in tune with the sensations in your body.
Knowing that you’re like water and need more time to get aroused, you can help things along by starting the seduction process first, on your own, by taking steps to relax your body and mind.
Take a bath, make yourself a cool drink or hot tea, and put on some soothing music. Change into something soft and comfortable, like a silky nightgown or a flowy dress. Dab on your favorite perfume or caress your body with scented lotion.
When you allow yourself a little more time to become present and relax into your body, you’ll be much more receptive to receiving pleasure.
Pleasure Strategy #3: Tell him how you want him to touch you.
What kind of touch relaxes you and makes you feel good? Do you like when your partner rubs your shoulders? Nuzzles your neck? Caresses your hair? Licks your earlobes?
Let him know! You need to be willing to give your partner the information he needs to seduce you. Don’t just make him guess, or worse, passively wait for him to figure it out on his own.
You can take his hands and place them where you want him to touch you. Really get into it. Be dramatic in how you express your pleasure. Moan, giggle, scream!
Sometimes our partners will oblige, but forget the next time, and we get frustrated that we have to keep repeating ourselves. That’s when you may need to add some dramatic flair!
For example, let’s say you like your shoulders caressed. Get some body paint and paint a giant bulls-eye on both your shoulders. Later, after he undresses you, the visual will be crystal clear, and he’ll remember it for years.
When you can give your partner effective, memorable feedback about what feels good to you, you take responsibility for your pleasure by asking for what you need. It’ll be easier for you to get aroused because he’ll be touching you the way you enjoy being touched.
Taking responsibility for your own pleasure empowers you. It can turn “blah” into “wow” in the bedroom.
Your willingness to experience pleasure in bed can reignite a spark in your relationship and it can be a catalyst for love and overall wellbeing.
Pleasure From Lovemaking Is Critical To The Health And Happiness Of Your Relationship
When you don’t enjoy lovemaking with your partner, because it takes you too long to get aroused, or it doesn’t feel good, or because you’re just bored with the routine, it can weaken your relationship.
Your relationship becomes vulnerable to many more problems when you’re not having skillful, regular sex.
You can start to drift apart, bicker more often, and be open to having an affair.
You can improve your response to pleasure by following the 3 tips I mentioned in this article, but in order to experience the maximum amount of bliss, you’ll need to learn more specific skills in the bedroom.
This is where my Passion Play program can help.
Because in Passion Play, you’ll learn techniques you may never have heard of before, that will show you and your partner how to slow down foreplay and allow you to be fully aroused when it’s time for intercourse. You’ll feel a level of anticipation and excitement you probably haven’t felt in a while.
My program will show you how to have intercourse creatively and skillfully, so you’re both energized and satisfied by the act and will want to make time for more of it.
You and your partner will learn techniques on thrust, depth, rhythm that can help prolong the time he maintains an erection, so you can take the time you need to feel fully satisfied.
Passion Play also contains instructions for how to resolve certain physical mis-matches (too big, too small), utilizing special positions so you can both enjoy lovemaking—every time, and in new ways.
Enjoy Sex AgainThe insights, principles and techniques in this program are based on 3,000+ year old wisdom, and it is more applicable today than ever. My goal with sharing this information with the world is to help partners feel closer, so that more marriages stay together and more families stay intact.
Sexual passion enhances and improves the emotional bond you feel with your partner. It invigorates you and increases vitality. It improves overall wellbeing.
It’s worth your investment of time and effort to do what it takes to enjoy lovemaking again.
Warmly,
P.S. Would you like to have mind-blowing bliss in bed tonight?
When you download my Passion Play program, in a matter of minutes, you’ll discover techniques, positions and tips that will transform the way you experience lovemaking. There’s even tips on what you should eat for dinner in order to be energized and ready for romance.
How to Have Mind-Blowing Bliss in Bed