4 Clues You’re Abandoning Yourself

by Margaret Paul

Do you sometimes wish there was someone that really “got” you and what you’re going through in your life?

Someone who didn’t judge you for the way you do things or the things you feel?

Someone who would always “have your back” and would gently point you toward what was in your best interest?

We all do!

However, the more you long for that kind of relationship and look for it, the more it eludes you.

Your friends or family members may have good intentions, but they have their own problems, or change the subject whenever you bring up something important to you.

Once in a while you may be lucky enough to have a friend who validates you, supports you and empathizes with you. But while another’s love and acceptance can feel wonderful, it’s always temporary, because no person in your life can be there for you 24/7.

That’s why, even when we’re physically with others, we can feel so alone.

The pain of rejection or aloneness can often be unbearable.

So what do you do in the face of this unbearable pain?

You do what most people do:

You self-abandon.

A Very Common Coping Strategy That Allows Us To Tolerate The Unbearable Pain Of Aloneness

Self-abandonment means turning AWAY from what is most loving to ourselves.

It is a coping strategy we use in the face of feeling unlovable.

The beliefs that we are alone and rejected, or unworthy and unlovable are very common, but they are false beliefs. The truth is that we are ALL deserving of love because we are ALL Divine beings at our core.

The problem is that most of us are completely UNAWARE of, or out of touch with, our Divine nature. We mistakenly believe that we are only lovable and worthy if others say we are, or treat us in a certain way.

We spend our lives looking to other people to give us the things we can’t seem to give ourselves:

Validation.

Unconditional love.

Acceptance and understanding.

And when we don’t get these things from the outside, we feel so alone–even when we’re surrounded by people who love us most.

The Things We Do To Feel Better Often Lead To Feeling WORSE

To illustrate this, imagine that tender part of you looking for unconditional love and validation is a CHILD and you are the PARENT.

Instead of being loving to her (or him), validating her, protecting her, you go around to your friends and neighbors trying to get them to love the child.

You would ask them to say kind things to her, to hug her, and to tell her they love her. You would make others responsible for the child’s emotional well-being.

Meanwhile, you ignore the child, criticize her, and tell her she isn’t good enough.

What would happen?

The child would conclude that there must be something wrong with her because you didn’t love her, even if others said nice words and offered some affection.

This is exactly what happens inside of us.

When you make other people responsible for your emotional well being you are abandoning yourself and making yourself feel unworthy and unlovable.

No matter how much money, fame or beauty you have, self-abandonment will lead to feelings of aloneness,shame and unworthiness.

You may not think you’re self-abandoning. That’s how clever your subconscious is!

It does things to protect you from feeling unworthy and alone in the moment, by allowing you to think you’re making choices for your own comfort and wellbeing.

But these choices are not in your best interest.

Self-abandonment can only lead to disappointment, more pain, more anxiety, and more of a sense of aloneness.

That’s why it’s important to recognize when you’re self-abandoning.

Self-abandonment often doesn’t feel like a bad thing in the moment you’re doing it.

That’s because in the moment, these feel like the only logical thing to do in the face of your emotional upset:

#1 SELF-ABANDONING SIGN—Rationalizing and Staying In Your Head

Instead of attending to that heaviness in your chest and throat, or dropping into that sensation of sadness, you rationalize about what’s happening. You attribute your discomfort to what’s happening in the news or to what someone said to you.

You make arguments in your head about who’s right and who’s wrong. You go over facts and figures and past conversations in order to stay in your head instead of taking responsibility for your feelings.

#2 SELF-ABANDONING SIGN—Judging Yourself

If you’re feeling bad, it must be your fault, you think. It’s because you didn’t speak up for yourself or do what you were supposed to do.

You chastise yourself for being lazy, dumb, or selfish. Even though that doesn’t feel great, it’s far less painful than thinking you’re fundamentally unlovable.

#3 SELF-ABANDONING SIGN—Numbing or Distracting

Sometimes, all you want to do is “check out” for a while and get lost in some kind of distraction. You go to the cupboard or refrigerator looking for snacks, pour yourself a glass of wine, light a cigarette, or sit down for hours and hours watching TV.

Maybe even that’s not enough and you also simultaneously scroll your social media feed. It feels good in the moment but afterward you feel energetically hungover and depressed.

#4 SELF-ABANDONING SIGN—Blaming Others and Outside Circumstances

Another way you may be self-abandoning is if you blame others for the way you’re feeling. Your partner’s unkind words and harsh tone is the reason you’re angry. Your friend’s thoughtlessness is why you are in a grouchy mood.

What’s happening in the world is directly to blame for your ongoing malaise. The dire state of your finances is why you can’t relax or feel at peace with your life.

Blaming others or circumstances is just another way to distract yourself from taking full responsibility for your own feelings.

Self-abandonment may feel familiar and temporarily soothing, but it fails to bring you the kind of true peace, validation and love you are craving.

End Self-Abandonment And Learn To Access The Inner Love And Wisdom That Is Your Birthright

When we self-abandon, we ignore the wisdom of our higher guidance and Divine nature.

Instead, we allow our wounded self take over.

The wounded self says,

Am I ok?

Am I doing a good job?

Do you like me?

If you like me, then I’m ok. If you don’t like me, then I’m worthless.

It lets others—and our external “situation”—decide if we are lovable and worthy.

But the ONLY way to truly get the validation and unconditional love we crave and stop self-abandoning is to live a life guided by our higher guidance.

And here’s a secret:

We ALL have access to that Divine source of wisdom and guidance… and it is available to us anytime, anywhere.

Your higher guidance will always lead you closer to your greatest good.

But this voice is not always easy to hear. Your wounded self is so much louder!

And the wounded self doesn’t want to relinquish control.

It tells you to do what it believes is best for you, which is to avoid pain and get love–in the moment.

This is where the “Signs Of Self-Abandonment” show up. As soon as difficult emotions arise…

… you begin to obsess over what happened, replaying it over and over to analyze, and understand what you did wrong,

… you get angry and blame your boss, your partner or the cashier at the grocery store for being unreasonable and inconsiderate,

… you reach for a drink or go on a shopping spree to distract from unwanted feelings.

But none of these solutions fulfill your deep desire to feel lovable and worthy.

Instead they lead to the kind of fragile, anxiety-riddled, never satisfied existence so many of us struggle with.

For years, I’ve had clients tell me that even after knowing all of this they still have trouble accessing their higher guidance because they’ve been listening to the wounded self for so long.

It made me start thinking about exactly how I was able to open myself up to higher guidance and the specific practices, skills, and lifestyle changes I chose that made it possible to access this powerful source of inner wisdom.

This is how my Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom: Live Your Life Guided By Loving Wisdom and Your Deepest Truth program came to be.

In this life-changing program, you’ll learn the habits and practices that will allow you to mute the voice of the wounded self in order to open up your awareness to your higher guidance—that loving, eternally wise part of you that always knows what’s in your best interest.

Here’s what else you’ll discover in this 30-day video program:

• How to trust your feelings as opposed to being debilitated by them.
• How to effortlessly manifest the life of your dreams because you’ll have direct access to the intelligence and wisdom of the Universe.
• Ways to identify the actions and decisions that are in your highest good, so you can relax knowing that even if you have to make a difficult choice or take an uncomfortable action—it’s ultimately the right thing to do.
• Practices to develop and fine-tune your intuition, so you’ll know almost immediately whether a situation or a person is potentially toxic or healthy, so you can avoid years of heartbreak or stress from committing to the wrong person or job.
• What to do to worry less and enjoy life more, and be confident that even if something “feels hard” in the moment, it’s the most loving and appropriate thing that you can be doing for yourself and others.
• How to enjoy greater physical health by learning what foods degenerate your health and well-being and which ones promote vitality, and which foods shut down your ability to access your spiritual guidance.
• And much more…

As you go through the 30-day program, you’ll realize a level of spiritual awakening you’ve never known before.

Your troubles will seem inconsequential compared to your ability to access the grand truth about your life: That you are connected to—and supported by—the ultimate source of love and wisdom in the universe.

Blessings,