You’re Still “Hung Up” on Your Ex Months or Years Later. Here’s How to Let Go and Move On:

by Margaret Paul

Breakups are hard. Sometimes they can be agonizing.

It’s not just the grief of loss of a love affair or a marriage ending that makes it hard.

It’s the things we tell ourselves that add to the pain and make us feel worse:

I will never meet someone else and I will always be alone.

I’m a failure, a loser. There is really something wrong with me. I will never be able to have a good relationship.

This feels too painful. It’s not worth getting into another relationship.

Maybe you berate or blame yourself for the breakup. Maybe you can’t stop reminiscing about the person or the good times you had, and you wonder if you’ll ever feel the same way about anyone.

And the thought of letting someone new into your life makes you shudder. You’re not ready. Will you ever BE ready?

How can you let go and move on?

And why is this breakup so hard for you in the first place?

The Hidden Reason You Can’t Seem to Let Go and Move On, And Why It Makes Breakups Harder

When a breakup is so hard that you are afraid to open to another relationship, it means that there are some ways you abandoned yourself in the relationship.

It is actually this self-abandonment that may be causing much of the pain – in addition to the actual loss of the other person.

When you abandon yourself in a relationship, you make the other person responsible for your happiness, lovability, self-worth and safety. Instead of taking loving responsibility for your own feelings, you hand this responsibility to your partner.

Maybe you wanted them to make you feel okay about yourself, or to love you so you could feel lovable. In other words, you unconsciously wanted them to take responsibility for your aloneness, anger, guilt, shame, anxiety. You wanted them to behave in a way that would take those painful feelings away.

You didn’t know how to be loving to yourself, so you outsourced that to your partner.

That’s how we make others responsible for how we feel.

Handing over responsibility for your feelings was like handing over your precious child to your partner. That precious child is your inner child—your feeling self. You can imagine how devastating it is to your inner child if your partner leaves.

Not only has your inner child already been abandoned by you because you made someone else responsible for her, but now she has also been abandoned by the other person.

Then, on top of that, you judge yourself or blame yourself for the breakup. You tell yourself you’re a “loser” or that “no one will love you again”. Or—if your partner is the one who left— you tell yourself that it’s because you’re not lovable.

These are the main reasons that breakups are often so hard on you:

1. Because you abandoned yourself and now the person you made responsible for your feelings is gone, too.
2. Because by being self-critical or you’re taking the other person’s behavior personally, you’re continuing to hurt yourself even more.

It’s no wonder you can’t seem to move on.

There’s a Way Out of the Pain of Heartbreak, and It Starts With Accessing a Deeper, More Loving Part of Yourself

It’s normal to feel grief and heartbreak when a relationship ends.

But if we want to be in partnership, then we need to learn how to manage these very big and painful feelings of life. The way to do that is not to abandon yourself even more by being self-critical or telling yourself that no one will love you like that partner who’s gone.

Heartbreak, grief and helplessness over another person need to be managed with much compassion toward yourself. It is love that heals the heart – the love that you bring through from your Higher Guidance.

Our Higher Guidance is our innate source of wisdom and intelligence. You can choose to call it God, or Spirit, or your higher power. It is already within us and all around us, but most of us can’t easily can’t access this innate source of wisdom.

And that’s the problem, because without a connection with our Higher Guidance, managing these big hurts becomes too hard.

But, when you can deepen your spiritual connection and bring yourself the love and comfort you need to move through your hurt, you will no longer be afraid of a new relationship.

You will be able to let go and move on much easier.

You’ll feel lovable without needing anyone to be there to tell you so.

You’ll feel worthy of love because you’ll have an innate sense of self-worth.

You’ll once again find partnership, and you’ll have a good chance of being happy, too.

But only if you can develop the loving compassion for yourself that arises from having a relationship with your Higher Guidance.

How to Take Loving Care of Your Inner Child So You Can Heal the Hurt and Be Able to Love Again

If you don’t consciously WANT responsibility for staying present and compassionately attentive to your feelings, because you’re “stuck” in heartbreak, your inner child will continue to feel abandoned, unlovable and unworthy.

Wanting responsibility for your own feelings and learning how to take this responsibility moment by moment is the essential ingredient in feeling lovable and worthy. Yet most people don’t want this responsibility.

That’s because our wounded self—that part of your psyche that holds all the painful memories, false beliefs, and toxic emotions that developed in childhood—is not capable of this responsibility.

But when you are a loving adult connected with your Higher Guidance, you are more than capable of taking this responsibility.

So that when you do, your inner child feels loved and cared for, and the hurt of self-abandonment dissolves.

The problem is that most people don’t understand how to connect with their Higher Guidance.

And without that connection with your source of Higher Guidance, you get stuck.

You get stuck in painful feelings like grief and heartbreak, and you tell yourself lies such as that you’re not worthy of love and joy. Or that you’ll never love again.

You also get stuck in the past, thinking the only person who can ever love you is your ex.

But with a connection to Higher Guidance and inner wisdom, you find that you can more effectively transform and heal difficult emotions because you know EXACTLY what loving actions to take for your highest good.

I realized that although most people don’t have any idea how to access their Highest Guidance.

That’s why I developed my program, Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom.

Unlocking Your Inner Wisdom is a 30-day video program that shows you the exact habits and practices that will open you up to the “frequency” (or energetic vibration) of your Higher Guidance.

As you learn to connect with your Higher Guidance, you’ll learn to release the painful feelings of heartbreak and access a greater source of joy than you ever thought possible.

You’ll stop listening to the voice of your wounded self and start listening only to what is in your highest good.

You’ll also learn:

• How to be more fully present to the peace and joy of your higher guidance / spirit / inner wisdom by letting go of the habits of your thinking mind, which always results in anxiety, worry, tension, fear, and self-judgment.
• The lie your ego tells you about life that keeps you stuck in a cycle of struggle and disappointment and the one thing that can shift you out of ego and into a state of love and contentment.
• How your traumatic childhood experiences may have conditioned you to disconnect from your feelings and therefore, your higher guidance, and what you can do to heal from the neglect and abuse of your past.
• And much more!

You deserve to find a loving, wonderful partner who will be your companion and best friend.

When you know how to connect with your Higher Guidance, you’ll be ready, and you’ll welcome love again.

Blessings,